a laborless day

after a party with friends, i headed downtown with my mom to another party at the edgewater yacht club to hang out and watch the air show.  it is amazing how low and close together those guys fly their planes!  it was wonderful being with people, but the end of the day got a little rough, because it is hard answering people’s questions, like if my current ministry opportunity does not work out.  i know it is because those adults care about me, but sometimes i allow it to make me feel like i should have an elaborate “plan b” answer about pursuing an accounting position at some fortune 500 company.  seeing our friends’ amazing houses along the lake makes it hard to not think i am pursuing the wrong things, like ministry.

that night i went home a little discouraged, so decided to continue reading macarthur’s the book on leadership.  some helpful things were written:

people often ask me what i would do if i weren’t in the ministry.  i find the question impossible to answer, because i cannot conceive of doing anything else.  i know beyond any shadow of doubt that i am called to preach the word of god … preaching is what god called me to … i didn’t choose a career because i thought it was [the most lucrative] of several options … people in leadership who indulge in self-doubt will always struggle, because every time things get difficult, they question the validity of what they do.  should i be here?  should i go elsewhere?  should i get out completely?  unless you have absolut confidence that you’re called and gifted for what you are doing, every trial, every hardship will threaten to deter you from your objective … paul knew that the gifts and the calling of god are irrevocable.

after reading those several pages, i felt like a loser that i was making myself feel badly about this waiting period.  people are not discouraging me, i get into trouble by twisting their words in my own mind and using them as an excuse to wallow.  god is good and he has graciously allowed me this time to spend at home with friends and family while i work through personal sin that i would not have seen otherwise.  i am more encouraged today and look forward to quality reading time.