all the days that you choose to ignore

if you’re gonna break down
you can break on me

i wish i didn’t feel the need to tell people my thoughts.  i know this is god-given; we are meant to be in relationship.  but wouldn’t it be nice.

“you’re very worldly,” said my fellow receptionist to me at the salon.  i was in the middle of a transaction with a client, but her comment took me off guard.  day after day i have to try to block out conversations stylists have around the desk describing various escapades; and i’m the one that’s worldly?

“how do you mean?” i asked.

“you’re very well-rounded; a broad range of interests.”  oh.

i wondered whether or not i should pass up the opportunity to describe what christians consider to be worldliness.  so without waxing eloquently, i explained that if someone is worldly, he has his mind set on the pleasures of today, without considering the cost.

the other receptionist pondered that for a moment, then asked me to go to dinner with her sometime.  let the counseling commence.

(email from me to ashe …)

leave work and come play with me!

m.
___________________________

(email from ashe to me …)

if only.

love,
taylor hanson

remember part one, posted back in december?  well, i was able to relive the program again this evening.  angie and i enjoyed flipping back and forth from the top 100 songs of the 90s and ferris bueller’s day off.  this time around, i wrote down some of my favorite moments to share with you, the readership:

- “the greatest phrase the white man will ever ruin - ‘no diggity’.”
- “soundgarden - the led zeppelin of the seattle grunge bands.”
- “‘my heart will go on’ - that song is like a gift from the gods.”
- “you can try to resist the effervescent charm of hanson.  but why?”
- “eloquent, angst-ridden and flannel-clad, pearl jam rocked the 90s.”
- “sinead o’connor - so irish, so bald and so angry.”
- “nsync.  forever.”

and my two favorite quotes from the program …
- “house of pain scored one for the irish, ‘jump around’.  we all know everyone wants to be irish, so the song worked out.”
- “radiohead has OBSESSIVE fans.  i mean, my one buddy drove to ohio for a show.  [commentator leans forward and peers over his glasses with alarmed eyes] … OHIO.”  haha.

UPDATE: upon writing this post, i was not going to admit that my entire body got goose bumps when the “livin la vida loca” video came on, but here i am confessing.  i don’t know what it is.  he bangs.

did pacino’s agent forget to tell him he can’t act?

in response to a compliment daniel day-lewis received on his articulation, he said:
i am more greatly moved by people who struggle to express themselves.  maybe it’s a middle-class british hang-up, but i prefer the abstract concept of incoherence in the face of great feeling to beautiful, full sentences that convey little emotion.

daniel, i’m speechless!

and so do i.

you know how people go through life - living, loving - and when calamity hits, curse god?  almost as if, they knew all along.  i had a similar experience this morning.  while burying our cars out from two feet of snow, i wondered, why, on god’s (otherwise) green earth did people bring civilization to this land.  had they even visited?  i mean, really?

when i couldn’t take shoveling anymore, i retreated to my bedroom.  where people like me.  and what was waiting for me, but no better movie for a day like today,  fight club.    (this is jack’s sick desire for wanting to destroy something beautiful.)  i watched it with the commentary on - david fincher, ed norton, brad pitt and helena bonham carter narrate.  i enjoy every moment of that film.  the music, the cut-away shots, the characters, the lines, the lighting, the wardrobes, the fight sequences, the idea that one man created an entirely unseen sub-culture with seemingly no similarities between any of its members.  just brilliant!

sadly, there were in fact many similarities among the members:  boredom.  lack of direction.  submission to the corporate world’s mold.  emasculation.  purposelessness.  and in the end, none of them actually achieved passion, direction, uniqueness, masculinity or purpose, despite immense efforts.  that’s because manhood is possessing self-control.  being self-sacrificial.  providing monetarily for his family.  being a spiritual leader.  loving others above self.  fearing god. 

somehow i’m able to support both.  fight club is a brilliant film.  it makes me feel like i’m tyler durden.  but when the film ends, true masculinity is the exact opposite of what that film portrays.  i love the arts.

the blizzard in cleveland this weekend reminds me: fear god.  but it also felt good to see a little tyler today, who reminds me: use soap.   

good afternoon, this is philadelphia.  please come back to me.

to date i have not been shy about my love for cate blanchett.  she has a presence unmatched by any other actress in the film industry.  since the release of oscar nominations, my vote is of course with her.  unfortunately, i did not make it to the independent theater to see “i’m not there”, but i saw a two minute clip of one scene and was sold.  unlike hilary swank and others, cate knows how to play a man and be a woman.

i rewatched the “elizabeth: the golden age” trailer and was moved to goosebumps and tears by this little interaction:
(upon being warned of the approaching spanish armada)
cate: tell your king i fear neither him, nor his armies.
spaniard: there is someone coming that will sweep away your pride.
cate: i too can command the wind, sir!  i have a hurricane in me that will strip spain bare if you dare to try me!

several things - i am curious how she prepared for this role.  in order to play the queen of western civilization, in some sense, she must knowher.  secondly, the things i would do to have listened in on her conversations with geoffrey rush.  what a pair.

kiss me, cate!

o lord,
no day of my life has passed that has not proved me guilty in thy sight.
prayers have been uttered from a prayerless heart;
praise has been often praiseless sound;
my best services are filthy rags.
blessed jesus,
let me find a covert in thy appeasing wounds.
though my sins rise to heaven thy merits soar above them;
though unrighteousness weighs me down to hell,
thy righteousness exalts me to thy throne.
all things in me call for my rejection,
all things in thee plead my acceptance.
i appeal from the throne of perfect justice to thy throne of boundless grace.
grant me to hear thy voice assuring me:
that by thy stripes i am healed,
that thou wast bruised for my iniquities,
that thou hast been made sin for me that i might be righteous in thee,
that my grievous sins, my manifold sins, are all forgiven,
buried in the ocean of thy concealing blood.
i am guilty, but pardoned,
lost, but saved,
wandering, but found,
sinning, but cleansed.
give me perpetual broken-heartedness,
keep me always clinging to thy cross,
flood me every moment with descending grace,
open to me the springs of divine knowledge,
sparkling like crystal,
flowing clear and unsullied through my wilderness of life.